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13 Very Important Life Lessons From How To Get a Grip

 

The best book I have ever written read written about today is How To Get A Grip, a profane and shouty guide to personal development.

Here follow some of the most popular passages, according to Amazon popular highlights. Read and weep and save yourself some time on reading the whole thing.

When you’re done weeping and reading, and if you still want to read more, check out How To Get A Grip on Amazon.com or on Amazon.co.uk

On positive reinforcement (you can do ANYTHING!):

SOMETIMES IN LIFE, things get a bit shit. You can’t avoid it. It’s how you deal with the shit that sets you apart and, while you may think you lack the resources to turn things around and make it all a little less shit, you don’t.

On mortality and the purpose of life:

Life is not a competition, it’s a game. There are no winners or losers. We all end up dead.

Ambition is perfectly healthy so long as it’s YOUR ambition.

On how ladies think:

She’s thinking ‘He seems like a really hot, intelligent guy. The kind of guy who I’d like to take home and suffocate with my thighs.’

On gardening:

Treat people well and you’ll find them more inclined to lend you their lawnmower.

If you find that the grass is often greener, it’s time to buy some fertilizer.

On book titles that are likely to be sure-fire best-sellers, if ever written:

Tug of War – a history of military masturbation

Trim Six Inches Off Your Flabby Thighs With Neuro Linguistic Programming

Set Your Child On The Route To A Fulfilling Career In The Medical Profession By Reading Him Bedtime Stories In Swahili

On the perils of progress:

Advancement and progress are what keeps civilization civilized. But they’re also what gave us nuclear weapons and daytime TV.

On the futility of being easily offended:

When you find other people’s behavior distasteful, you get upset, your blood pressure gets raised, you lose a lot of time worrying and you shave seven minutes off your own life. Nobody else gives a shit.

On appreciating what you’ve got:

Some have it worse than others. Some of us were born in the arse-end of the country to a family of inbred petty criminals with facial tattoos and Neolithic attitudes to women and literacy.

On therapy:

Talking about your problems helps resolve them. Incessantly blathering on about the shit you’re going through does the opposite.

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